So we started Crossfit…

Today G and I started Crossfit, we took the elements class where they actually work with you on your form for doing the exercises, we completed that on Thursday, with that we get 18 days of membership so, today was out first workout. I was sweating from the WARMUP, usually not a good sign!

The workouts are called WOD’s (WorkOut of the Day), each day there is a pre-determined workout which you can usually find on the site, each workout is given a girls name, each workout gets progressively worse/harder. Today we had to determine our maximum height for the box jump, then our WOD was 9-7-5 pull-ups, snatches and dips. I used TWO bands to assist me in the pull-ups, it was way too much, I though I would hit the ceiling when using them, I will go with one band the next time. All the workouts are timed, that is the point, we can do this same workout next month and should improve right? Well, we’ll see. Tomorrow is our 2nd workout, it looks equally as challenging. I know it takes a while to perfect the moves, but it is a little frustrating. I was having trouble with the snatches, and I felt retarded when the coach kept telling me not to rotate my hand but get under the weight–ugh, frustrating.

I am still overwhelmed by this house, I hate being here alone, the walls are still screaming at me. I want out and I want out soon. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal now, it’s not like I haven’t been lonely in this house before, but I seem to feel it more now. There’s only so much comfort you can get from talking to the dog. I have way too many people wanting me to meet someone, ‘you would be perfect for my friend so and so; you and my friend so and so have to meet; I have GOT to introduce you to so and so.’ All sounds well and good, but is that the ultimate answer?

G and I have been arguing a lot lately. Seems like whenever we start to talk we end up arguing, we’re not even a couple yet we argue like one! It does really bum me out when we argue though, I can’t stand it, it really ruins my day and I seem to dwell on it the entire day. I don’t know we’ve known each other for about 5 months and it seems like each month our relationship degrades a little bit more, at this pace, I won’t have a ‘gym wife’ by the end of the year. We really have to sit down and talk, which I so hate doing, but I want to fix whatever it is; I enjoy going to the gym, because I actually have someone to workout with–I don’t want to lose her!

I still have days that I wonder if I have done the right thing, I still don’t know. Should I have worked it out and prolonged the inevitable? That’s what I think really was going to happen, I would only prolong the inevitable. Each day it does get easier, but it’s still on my mind, all those years and to end up with nothing. Angelica keeps saying ‘at least she didn’t take your soul.’ I don’t know though, did she? Do I even have a soul? Did I do the right thing or was I out of line? These are the things I think about being in this empty place all alone.

I am watching the Olympics right now, sport is such an emotional thing for me. I always watch it and just really pull for the ath;etes, all I can think about is all those hours of training to finally get to where they are now, I find that amazing. It has always been my dream to be an Olympian, but at 43 I don’t see that happening. Don’t get me wrong I have been to a great many Olympic games as a spectator, but as an athlete would be a dream. Would I have had the stamina, perseverance and attitude to chase my dream? I guess that’s a question I may never get the answer to at this point. I have way too much time on my hands when I am thinking about all this BS…

There are days…

There are days that the silence just screams! It seems like today is one of those days, got home early as I was so tired and thought I would go to sleep–no such luck. I’m still up, I can’t sleep. We had a good workout this morning, we did Fran 45 reps (thrusters and pull ups), the workout was tough, but I didn’t even have any weight on the bar, man what’s it going to be when there’s weight on the bar. I definitely can see how my thruster technique will improve. When I did CMC the first time, I was just trying to power it up with my shoulder, now I realized I should have been powering it up using the momentum from the squat. The movement is still tough, but as with anything else it will get better.

Tomorrow GK and and I are going on a sailboat leaving from the North Cove Marina, it should be fun. We were supposed to go last week, but we ended up doing Darryl’s spin class. Did I really say that I gave up a leisurely sailboat ride to go get my brains beat in for 45 minutes? LOL, things certainly have changed. I made reservations today to go to LA for the All Stars Spin Class next month, there was a group rate for the rooms, we’re staying at The Mondrian (little bit of Ashok trivia Piet Mondrian is my favorite artist, his work is so simple and yet beautiful, even a dummy like me can appreciate it). LA should be fun, GK has never been there, it’s always fun going with newbies! I guess in my case that is a MAJOR understatement. My next goal is to get out of this house, I am hating the commute more and more everyday. I have to either move into NYC or out of the state, I just feel like I need another change.

I turned down the job offer in Boston, because I really wanted to be in LA or San Francisco, I don’t know why they say it’s so hard to find a job, I put out a few resumes and I get called for interviews–this is great! I guess that means I can be a little picky, I think? I keep thinking that I want to go and work for ‘the man,’ but then I think about all the cool things I am able to do as a Realtor, so I am quickly over that line of thinking–that is unless there is something that is so super spectacular that I can’t pass it up…

I thought I was going to try and make it to the 7:15 AM Whipped class at PH, but seeing as I am still awake, doesn’t look like that will be happening, or maybe it will let’s see what time I wake up.

As I started off saying, I am so extremely bored out of my mind in this big house. I don’t see myself changing my spots and becoming a social butterfly all of a sudden, but this routine is really getting played out right now. I mean it was as if I was living alone for the longest time, but in actuality I wasn’t, but now that I am literally alone, it really feels different; does that make any sense at all.

Where does a surly 43 year old go to meet someone? You know who would think at this age, one would be back where you were 20 years ago. As they say this too will pass–but when? I don’t know maybe it’s a good thing that I am alone right now, at least there’s time to sort things out I THINK?

Some days are tougher than others…

There are days where I feel my situation more than others. It always seems to coincide with whenever GK or myself are in a bad mood. Friday it was me, today it was her. Friday I was a little melancholy because I went back to The Rock after not being there in about a month, the last time we were there it was for when we had the wrap up for etc. I was a little bummed out because this is where it ALL happened– everything, seemingly. (Now when GK reads this she will say–‘I knew you were upset that night)–‘ I was! So many good memories happened at The Rock, and then it was seemingly over. I know etc will be back in the fall, so there will still be more memories, but they can’t be as good as the first time around!

Today GK was tired and seemed a little out of it, I miss our dopey little talks when she’s like this, but I understand that she’s human too. It’s weird, we both know when to seemingly back off, I stayed away from her because she seemed pre-occupied so I backed off. but being the selfish A..hole I am it still bothers me even though it shouldn’t.

I drove home without the radio on, just listening to the voices in my head talking to me. Seems like I may have all the answers, my wife wants to work it out with me, but I see it as a temporary pushing off the inevitable. Things would be too weird, and I think any would be contrived, and awkward. So much has happened and so much hasn’t happened. I’ve been offered a job in Boston, but would like to be offered the same position in LA or San Francisco, seems like I am running again, but I feel like I need another drastic change. There are so many memories here and I prefer to be away from them right now.

Am I running away from my problems, maybe, but I am also trying to silence the voices in my head which are screaming at me for being a cad. The walls in this house scream at me, the silence is deafening–I wish the dog could talk! I have an early morning tomorrow, the 3rd day of Crossfit, I can’t wait for it to be done as this early morning thing is rough. I am up at 5AM irregardless of when I actually have to get up, but that’s my choice, when I HAVE to get up it’s actually a little tougher, but it is the means to an end.

Tomorrow I am meeting Karamjeet, my big brother from the Big Brother/Big Sisters program. Funny how something you did all those years ago can be perpetuated. Karamjeet came to me at a critical time, he definitely got more than he bargained for, but I also got a lot from him also. I ended up doing my internship in college working for him, where I did learn a lot. If I hadn’t been so impulsive to want to move clear across the country I may have had a future in that company. All in all I can’t complain about my decision though. Every once in a while I hear from him about getting together to just see each other. I know he is fine, but I think he is somehow just checking in on me to make sure I’m ok, should be fun!

Now I know this is a fitness blog, so I guess I have to put something in here about it. So far since the middle of March I have lost 76 lbs, my goal now is to lose 100lbs. I am hoping the Crossfit will help to chisel me more and get rid of the excess that I still can’t seem to hit. The belly fat is so hard to get rid of, it is frustrating to say the least, I forsee a vacation to Thailand in the next 6 months…I know they say the last 10 is the toughest, but I am at the last 24, the last 10 is some ways away before I actually have to worry about it. I am constantly motivated by the positivity from all the instructors and friends on Facebook, it does keep me going and somehow it does help me to keep moving forward.

Well it’s been a while since I last wrote…

So I haven’t written an entry in a while, I’ve been so busy since getting back from RAAM, work, working out, appointments, I try to keep myself busy so as not to be sad. The good news is I have lost 66lbs in my quest for fitness or maybe it’s less FATNESS? I have been dropping about 4 lbs per week with my diet and exercise regimen. I did fall off the boat slightly, on Thursday night I was so hungry I went thru the Popeye’s drive thru and had rice and beans–no the worst thing in the world, but I still felt a little bad. Wait did I mention I had TWO of those rice and beans! I guess if I had to cheat, that’s not the worst thing in the world.

I am happy with my progress thus far, I am now committed to losing 100lbs, I mean I can literally see it around the corner. I so want to do this, I don’t know why, I look back at my pictures now and I can’t believe how heavy I was. Not that I am so svelt right now, but the difference between now and then is marked. I really never want to be that person again, I am confident that I won’t be, I have worked too hard to get to where I am now.

GK and I are starting Crossfit on Tuesday. I don’t know if I am exactly looking forward to it, as I hear so many good things about Crossfit, but the one thing I hear is how tough it is. I really want to lose this belly fat, so I figure might as well take it up a notch! As GK says, ‘we’ll see.’ As they say if it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger, ‘we’ll see.’

On the home front it’s been getting easier, since she has been gone it’s been easier, it gets easier each day, but it still sucks to come home to a big empty house. Of course I still have the 2 cats and the dog but they don’t TALK! But then I have to say to myself well she didn’t talk much either, but I guess I liked knowing she was here. I have to move pass that now and move forward. I have good days and bad, mostly good. Michael was telling me just to put all my energy into working out and getting healthy, which I have been doing. I am in the gym 6 or 7 days a week, this week 7, dying to see what I weigh when I weigh in tomorrow.

Working out keeps my mind off things, and I am so surprised how much I look forward to it. Michael was telling me that is the best part of his day and I used to laugh, but know I can definitely empathize with him. I enjoy working out with GK also, she does motivate me, but I motivate her more–she’s a good ‘gym wife.’ I fear that will always be what she is–my ‘gym wife.’  It’s probably better that way, because I would only ending up driving her crazy–then I’d lose her also!  C’est la vie, plenty of fish in the sea!

I finally got home last night and Thursday night, but when I got home I was SO BORED–I had nothing to do! I was so bored, more than usual. I definitely have to meet someone to focus my energy on. One of my big problems is that I really hate going out, I don’t drink, I don’t carouse, I don’t dance, but you should have seen me on July 4 at Governor’s Island, I actually can move (a little).

Anyway, that’s it for today, let’s see how Crossfit treats us this week, if I’m not dead then I will definitely let you know what’s going on.