There are days where I feel my situation more than others. It always seems to coincide with whenever GK or myself are in a bad mood. Friday it was me, today it was her. Friday I was a little melancholy because I went back to The Rock after not being there in about a month, the last time we were there it was for when we had the wrap up for etc. I was a little bummed out because this is where it ALL happened– everything, seemingly. (Now when GK reads this she will say–‘I knew you were upset that night)–‘ I was! So many good memories happened at The Rock, and then it was seemingly over. I know etc will be back in the fall, so there will still be more memories, but they can’t be as good as the first time around!
Today GK was tired and seemed a little out of it, I miss our dopey little talks when she’s like this, but I understand that she’s human too. It’s weird, we both know when to seemingly back off, I stayed away from her because she seemed pre-occupied so I backed off. but being the selfish A..hole I am it still bothers me even though it shouldn’t.
I drove home without the radio on, just listening to the voices in my head talking to me. Seems like I may have all the answers, my wife wants to work it out with me, but I see it as a temporary pushing off the inevitable. Things would be too weird, and I think any would be contrived, and awkward. So much has happened and so much hasn’t happened. I’ve been offered a job in Boston, but would like to be offered the same position in LA or San Francisco, seems like I am running again, but I feel like I need another drastic change. There are so many memories here and I prefer to be away from them right now.
Am I running away from my problems, maybe, but I am also trying to silence the voices in my head which are screaming at me for being a cad. The walls in this house scream at me, the silence is deafening–I wish the dog could talk! I have an early morning tomorrow, the 3rd day of Crossfit, I can’t wait for it to be done as this early morning thing is rough. I am up at 5AM irregardless of when I actually have to get up, but that’s my choice, when I HAVE to get up it’s actually a little tougher, but it is the means to an end.
Tomorrow I am meeting Karamjeet, my big brother from the Big Brother/Big Sisters program. Funny how something you did all those years ago can be perpetuated. Karamjeet came to me at a critical time, he definitely got more than he bargained for, but I also got a lot from him also. I ended up doing my internship in college working for him, where I did learn a lot. If I hadn’t been so impulsive to want to move clear across the country I may have had a future in that company. All in all I can’t complain about my decision though. Every once in a while I hear from him about getting together to just see each other. I know he is fine, but I think he is somehow just checking in on me to make sure I’m ok, should be fun!
Now I know this is a fitness blog, so I guess I have to put something in here about it. So far since the middle of March I have lost 76 lbs, my goal now is to lose 100lbs. I am hoping the Crossfit will help to chisel me more and get rid of the excess that I still can’t seem to hit. The belly fat is so hard to get rid of, it is frustrating to say the least, I forsee a vacation to Thailand in the next 6 months…I know they say the last 10 is the toughest, but I am at the last 24, the last 10 is some ways away before I actually have to worry about it. I am constantly motivated by the positivity from all the instructors and friends on Facebook, it does keep me going and somehow it does help me to keep moving forward.