Today G and I started Crossfit, we took the elements class where they actually work with you on your form for doing the exercises, we completed that on Thursday, with that we get 18 days of membership so, today was out first workout. I was sweating from the WARMUP, usually not a good sign!
The workouts are called WOD’s (WorkOut of the Day), each day there is a pre-determined workout which you can usually find on the site, each workout is given a girls name, each workout gets progressively worse/harder. Today we had to determine our maximum height for the box jump, then our WOD was 9-7-5 pull-ups, snatches and dips. I used TWO bands to assist me in the pull-ups, it was way too much, I though I would hit the ceiling when using them, I will go with one band the next time. All the workouts are timed, that is the point, we can do this same workout next month and should improve right? Well, we’ll see. Tomorrow is our 2nd workout, it looks equally as challenging. I know it takes a while to perfect the moves, but it is a little frustrating. I was having trouble with the snatches, and I felt retarded when the coach kept telling me not to rotate my hand but get under the weight–ugh, frustrating.
I am still overwhelmed by this house, I hate being here alone, the walls are still screaming at me. I want out and I want out soon. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal now, it’s not like I haven’t been lonely in this house before, but I seem to feel it more now. There’s only so much comfort you can get from talking to the dog. I have way too many people wanting me to meet someone, ‘you would be perfect for my friend so and so; you and my friend so and so have to meet; I have GOT to introduce you to so and so.’ All sounds well and good, but is that the ultimate answer?
G and I have been arguing a lot lately. Seems like whenever we start to talk we end up arguing, we’re not even a couple yet we argue like one! It does really bum me out when we argue though, I can’t stand it, it really ruins my day and I seem to dwell on it the entire day. I don’t know we’ve known each other for about 5 months and it seems like each month our relationship degrades a little bit more, at this pace, I won’t have a ‘gym wife’ by the end of the year. We really have to sit down and talk, which I so hate doing, but I want to fix whatever it is; I enjoy going to the gym, because I actually have someone to workout with–I don’t want to lose her!
I still have days that I wonder if I have done the right thing, I still don’t know. Should I have worked it out and prolonged the inevitable? That’s what I think really was going to happen, I would only prolong the inevitable. Each day it does get easier, but it’s still on my mind, all those years and to end up with nothing. Angelica keeps saying ‘at least she didn’t take your soul.’ I don’t know though, did she? Do I even have a soul? Did I do the right thing or was I out of line? These are the things I think about being in this empty place all alone.
I am watching the Olympics right now, sport is such an emotional thing for me. I always watch it and just really pull for the ath;etes, all I can think about is all those hours of training to finally get to where they are now, I find that amazing. It has always been my dream to be an Olympian, but at 43 I don’t see that happening. Don’t get me wrong I have been to a great many Olympic games as a spectator, but as an athlete would be a dream. Would I have had the stamina, perseverance and attitude to chase my dream? I guess that’s a question I may never get the answer to at this point. I have way too much time on my hands when I am thinking about all this BS…