Happy and melancholy…

I am sitting here in Breckinridge and I am both happy and sad. I was reminded by Michael the other day the last time I was here I weighed 120lbs more! I am sure some of you are tired of hearing about my weight, but it’s my blog so suck it up!

For some reason I feel so lonely this year, so many things have changed–for better or worse is yet to be determined. I think about Pat a lot what I put here through and vice versa. The only solace I have is at least she still has her family, I feel like I have no one left in the world. My mother really made my world, although she lived with us the last 5 years before she died I feel like I took her for granted all the time before.

When I was little there was nothing I could want for, she made sure that I had everything I wished for. My mother left for work at 5am and returned home at 5pm, then cooked and did stuff around the house. Nothing stopped her she was always on the go.

Ma has been gone 3 years this coming February, and I still think about her everyday. This year more so than years past I don’t know why. It makes me very sad, but I just don’t get why it’s affecting me so much lately.

I know she is with me and what I wouldn’t give to hug her or hold her hand right now or just pick at her to annoy her. I hope this feeling goes away because it is tough to ‘carry around,’ this time of year is for families and I feel like I have none.

When does it get easier? Everyone tells me it stays with you forever, I don’t want to ever forget her but the heaviness in my heart is a tough thing to deal with.

If anyone reads this call your Mom and Dad and tell the. You love them because you never know when you won’t be able to say it to them again.

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