You know there are days that are better than others. I am ‘happy’ to an extent, but then sad to another extent. There are days in which I wish I were dead (today being one of them), I had a great weekend, but something was missing. Something has been missing for a while and I just ca’t put my finger on it, I don’t know sometimes it’s very tough and I walk around with a heavy heart and soul.
The 3rd anniversary of my mother’s death is about a month away and I think about it a lot. I find myself talking to her at night, as if she were next to me. This is ironic since when she was alive we barely talked much to my embarrassment. It seemed like there were times when I was constantly annoyed at her or vice-versa, but the love was always there.
My mother always used to say ‘don’t let me shut my eyes and you’ll see,’ man it’s as if she was a soothsayer! Everything has changed so much since she died, is it for the better? I don’t know yet, only time will tell. There are days, when man, just everything seems so heavy. Why is that?
I met a very nice young lady today–totally into running, several half marathons and 3 times NYC marathon finisher. She’s was really cool to talk to, we’re going to go and run together. I don’t know what I committed myself to–running Paris–what the hell was I thinking. I’m in it now and I’m not going to quit.
What does the future hold for me? Is the universe with me or against me? Like I said there are certainly days when I think it’s against me, but I muddle thru it no matter what, I don’t know Ma–what do you think?