Well, I spent all day at the Die Hard Marathon, it started about 9:00AM this morning and went all the way until around 10:30PM. Man oh man was that a day! I went with my friend Sandy, one of her friends flaked–too bad for HER. We ended up seeing all the movies, going to a VIP event, and we were even chosen to go up and ask Bruce Willis a question. THey questions were planned, the question I was give ‘How did you decide to pick Jai for the role.’ Honestly I didn’t even know what he was saying, because I was thinking how cool it was to even be up here asking the question!
The movies were great–well, except for the second one, that movie sucked. I know I fell asleep halfway thru it, because I caught myself snoring–lol. Sandy ducked out for the second movie and had to go to work, but came back for the rest of them. In retrospect I should have ducked out and went to the gym instead of just sleeping thru the second movie. Irregardless, it was a lot of fun, considering what’s been going on the last several days.
I kept it together most of the day, but when Sandy met me at Dean&Deluca’s I don’t know why I was crying again! I don’t know I just feel sad, sometimes knowing Meg is gone. At the same time I also feel guilty because I ask myself; ‘do I have the right to be upset, I mean it’s not like we were together?’ I waited so long to be with her, I had a crush on her since she was 15 or 16, and never acted on it–damn shyness Why did I wait for 24 years to do something about it? When I see how young Meg passed away, I have to question why I didn’t do something sooner. If we all knew when would die wouldn’t we approach things differently, and really go for it?
I don’t know, today was a lot better. I am feeling more at ease now and I feel like things are going to be ok. Like everything else I know this will pass also, but I keep thinking I can’t believe she is gone, so young, only 4 days short of being 43 yrs old. I also know and saw some of the nice people from Meg’s neighborhood who came to the wake, along with other friends. I wonder who will come to my wake? Will I even have a wake? Will anyone even claim my body? I feel so lonely and as if I have nothing. It’s tough to be this age and not have any real prospects. I mean how many of these weirdos from OkCupid am I going to go out with! LOL! It really sucks to be 44 and alone, I would love to have someone to share good and bad times with. I thought I would of had that by being married, but how was I to know that would be the loneliest time of my life. I can look back and admit that now, but in the midst of it, I just seemed sweep my feelings under the rug. 😦
If you know anyone who wants to meet a surly, goofball, don’t be afraid to set me up!