I do put up a good face…

I hate to keep believing my own ‘press,’ so to speak.  I think I posted something about just because I don’t cry doesn’t mean I don’t care or something like that–LOL!  You would think the amount of times I post it I would remember it!  Silence gives me a lot of time to contemplate things in my life, so of these things sadden me greatly some make me smile.  Unfortunately there are too many things that make me sad.  I deal with it by putting up a strong face, but I am hurting inside.  That has always been a problem for me–I keep everything inside, one day I do end up blowing up, usually at a person who didn’t deserve it, sometimes they just light the fuse for something that has been there for a long time!

I don’t want to share any of the pain I go thru as I don’t want to bum anyone out.  More and more I have friends that suggest that I should seek professional help, but I am not likely to do that as I feel uncomfortable sharing my feelings, except with those I love.  They may not be the right ones to share with but, it’s all I can manage right now. 

I spent an exciting evening shining my shoes!  It was cathartic in a way, it brought me back to my days in the Army, the spit shine is still an art, and I actually use real spit.  Seriously though I do have to buy cotton balls to make it easier to shine my shoes.  Shouldn’t I have a more ‘exciting’ life?

Latisha came by the office on Friday, she looks great, can’t believe between us we’ve lost a couple people’s worth of weight.  Now I want to get stronger, well not just now but for a while now, I want to start lifting.  Michael does push me, but honestly I hate using the cable equipment, I prefer to actually lift some metal if possible.  Michael being the robot that he is doesn’t want to stray from the cable machines.  Let’s see if Latisha can get me into a good routine which I can keep up with, hell if I can look HALF as good as she does I will consider that an accomplishment!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s